I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
