Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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