I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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