u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
