There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
