WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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