reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
