I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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