The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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