playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
