so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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