You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
