There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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