There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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