i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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