I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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