as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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