I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
