I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
