You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
