..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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