we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
