My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My cat gives me a boner
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
