I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
