I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
