After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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