i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
