Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize
