tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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