If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I love you.
Bad choice
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize