I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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