I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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