party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
