I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
