doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
