just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
