dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
