I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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