May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
