you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
