I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
