Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
