Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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