my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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