Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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