I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
