I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize