Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize