Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize