If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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