i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
