On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
