i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
