I think im going to throw up on grandma
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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