Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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