Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
