My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
