She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
