She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
