you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I checked into jail on foursquare
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
