He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
