yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
