Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
