I wish I could teleport
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
