Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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